BOARD GAME REVIEW: MONSTER MANSION (2015)

Monster Mansion was a Kickstarter project that is based around escaping a modular-board within 10 minutes/player(real time). It also has a hidden player role mechanic, unique characters with different stats, and different monster decks for different experiences.

The basic gameplay is that every turn, you draw from the Monster Deck (which may be a monster that follows you around, a curse/blessing, or nothing). Then you take one action (moving or attacking or healing). And then your turn ends. This continues in real-time until you escape or the time runs out (and you all die). Once you reach the exit, you need to roll 5+ on a dice to actually escape.

This game suffers from a lack of direction. There is definitely allot going on (modular board, character powers, hidden roles, time-based gameplay) but it just feels like you are waiting and reliant on your monster draw. You draw weak monsters or nothing, you advance to the exit. You draw strong monsters, you are stuck attacking, hoping not to die. And some of the random roles and cards are harsh if you fail (immediately losing 3 health when you only tend to have 4 means you are often a monsters meal next turn) to increase the difficulty.

But at its heart, this feels like a roll-and-move game, just replace the rolling with random card draws. Maybe with the steady hand of a developer rather than the excesses of kickstarter this idea could've been made allot better. At the moment, most the game just comes down to hoping to draw good cards (with no way to manipulate too much) and hoping for the best. This game doesn't offer too much extra from other games (Zombie 15 immediately springs to mind). The components, however, are really cool.

1 out of 5 Monstrous Waffles

ANIMATED MOVIE REVIEW: JUSTICE LEAGUE: THRONE OF ATLANTIS (2015)

Justice League: War was an animated reboot of the Justice League that I really enjoyed. It did have its problems but for the most part, I thought it set up an interesting premise for the new Justice League. And then Throne of Atlantis realised the worst of its potential.

Throne of Atlantis is set after War and the formation of the Justice League. It starts with Cyborg acting less human and getting rid of some of his human parts. This amounts to absolutely nothing and has no bearing on the story at all. Also, his doctor is also his love interest. This is another problem as every female character is depicted as a love interest to a Male Character (Wonder Woman and Lois Lane for Superman; Aquaman’s Atlantean protector) who end up getting with the guy as part of the quest rewards.

Anyway, this movie has allot more issues than being completely chauvinistic. Aquaman is a super-powered person getting drunk and talking to fish (one-way) and getting into bar fights. The Atlantean prince wants to wipe out humanity. He kills his mother, steals here trident and frames surface dwellers for it. How he frames her is never explained as an Atlantean knife is used to kill her and there were no surface dwellers around at that time.

Anyway, this magic trident is apparently much more powerful than the whole Justice League combined, except for Batman. Everyone also acts like brainless brutes, except for Batman. Batman has to lecture them through a crime scene. And yeah, the whole movie is a Batman-love letter as he seems to be the only one capable of thinking. And he is the leader of the Justice League.

Spoilers: By the end of the movie Aquaman accepts his heritage (taking his Atlantean guard os his queen) and has a trident apparently more powerful than the whole Justice League put together (which makes them redundant with him on the team). This complete change of character is presented through so much disinterested voice acting and pretty average animation that it all feels phoned in.

Don’t even get me started on how the Justice League slaughters Atlanteans who were tricked into war, the Atlantean army being immune to guns and the army but can be taken down by a normal person hitting them with a club, or how Aquaman develops powers as the plot demands.

This animated movie is horrible. It is Batman V Superman bad. Don’t see it unless you love Batman and can’t bother waiting for Goth-Movie-Aquaman.

0 out of 5 water-soaked waffles.