The Counselor

The Players- Legendary filmmaker Ridley Scott (Alien) and Pulitzer Prize winning author Cormac McCarthy (No Country for Old Men).
 
Their Mission- To recreate what it would feel like to be stuck in a room with a bunch of philosophy students while Breaking Bad was playing in the background.
 
Their Weapon of Choice- Being nice, polite and well-dressed.

 
THE COUNSELOR is simple story once you look it up on IMDB. A nameless lawyer (Fassbender), madly in love with his fiancée Laura (Cruz), is seeking to provide for her and give her the life she deserves. He decides to get in a once-and-I'm-out deal: namely, to get involved in a venture dealing with twenty million dollars worth of drugs being ferried to the States from Mexico.

Much like Ridley Scott’s other mess of a movie, Prometheus, the script clearly needed be broken down and rebuilt from the ground up in order to function. It felt like putting two very different sensibilities, those of its author, Cormac McCarthy, and its director, Ridley Scott, together and hoping for magic. Instead you discover not even bacon can make broccoli delicious, unless the pig ate the broccoli beforehand.
 
What you get is a whole movie where you just watch a group of decent, polite well-dressed people trying to function like Shakespearean gangsta. As a viewer you feel distanced from the movie because you don't have a clue what is happening or why. I could complain of ponderous dialogue, but the movie didn't really have dialogue. It just felt like people making boring statements. The only interesting moment in the movie is where Cameron Diaz has sex with a car. This was not the awesome kind of interesting, but more the “What the hell did I just watch?”.
 
Never have I wanted to turn my phone on so much in a cinema. Angry Birds has a more engaging story. The vanilla plot ticks over mechanically towards a destination that was never in doubt, while the so called dialogue strives to be profound. You’ll spend more time wondering where these character got there outlandish outfits. The Counselor is just a terrible movie unless you like the idea of seeing good actors do Shakespeare if it was performed by William Shatner.


1 out of 5 well-dressed waffles.

Book Review- A Patchwork Planet by Anne Tyler (1998)

A Patchwork Planet by Anne Tyler is, in my opinion, an attempt to write a story from the point of view of someone who never takes responsibility or accepts the consequences for his actions. In this respect, it is very successful in what it sets out to achieve providing a story that is compelling, for the most part.

The main character of this book is Barnaby. Barnaby is a thirty-year old divorced father. He hasn’t graduated college and every time he takes up night school he always stops going. He is the son of a wealthy and successful family but has a criminal history when he was a young kid. A Patchwork Planet feels like it takes a part of his life and tells about what happens to him, specifically from when he first sees his love-interest, Sophia. He is also our narrator for this book.


At the start of the book, you have the feeling that he is suffering from a string of bad luck. From his perspective, the reader is told about him running late for his weekly visit with his child because his car has broken down and he has to catch the train, which is running late. However, as the book keeps going, it slowly becomes obvious that this isn’t a string of bad luck but rather him not accepting the responsibility and consequences of his actions through-out his life. This becomes more apparent as he continues to make excuses about why he hasn’t finished college, why he doesn’t save more money, and why he is always running late. In this respect he reminded me of an unreliable narrator. If you just take the world from his point of view, he is never in the wrong. 

However, Anne Tyler was careful to make Barnaby a very likable character. His job involved helping senior citizens and those not able-bodied enough to do their own housework with the house work. This is a job that he has allot of pride for. He also generally behaves as an easy-going person and treats those he works with kindly.


As interesting as this book is, the style of writing starts to drag towards the end. It becomes predictable that he is going to wreck something, take no responsibility then try to fix it without understanding the consequences of his actions. It also felt like you found out things about Barnaby, Sophia and the rest of the cast as it becomes important. I felt that this was because Anne Tyler wanted it to feel like a portion of his life and so tried to let things come up organically. However, this ended up feeling like his history was just made-up for convenience to try and explain a characters actions.

This book was enjoyable at the start but the tension and character development started to feel very predictable and formulaic towards the end. It also would have been good if the characters history was revealed a bit earlier so that I wasn’t left guessing at their motivations. As an unreliable narrator, Anne Tyler writes Barnaby very effectively and it was a good choice for her to make him a character that the reader would want to like before all his flaws slowly become apparent.

3.5 out of 5 poor-excuses for waffles.

Movie Review- Captain Phillips

What would happen if you took an average sea captain and put him in an extraordinary situation. This is what the plot of Captain Phillips feels like. Tom Hanks is the major star and plays the titular captain as his boat is boarded by Somali pirates and take him hostage. This movie was based on a true event, although I have read they have taken some liberties with the story for the purpose of drama.

This movie begins by following both Captain Phillips and a Somali pirate crew as they each go about their lives. It quickly becomes clear that the movie is portraying them as being on a collision course as the pirates are out looking for cargo ships to make a fortune from and Captain Phillips is captaining one of the said cargo ships. Showing the interactions between Phillips and his crew as well as the vicious way that the Somali pirate becomes the captain of his crew was a good way to highlight the differences between the Americans and Somalians with a very show-don’t-tell policy.

What follows is then a tense encounter between the two captains as Phillips tries to keep his crew safe while the pirates try to find the crew in order to have more hostages to ransom. Phillips achieves his goals through bluffing and his knowledge of the ship, but has to attempt to manage the rising viciousness of the pirate crew as they get more frustrated by the lack of progress in achieving their goals. Eventually the pirate crew make off with the captain as a hostage, and then the United States Navy and the Seals show up. With that, it becomes clear how the skinny Somalian pirates are completely overmatched but have come too far to back out.

This movie reminded me of Argo, and mostly in a good way. This is a movie where the Americans are overpowered and are more focused on staying alive then being action heroes (at least until the climax) and a focus on show-don’t-tell to convey the emotions of the characters and how the plot progresses. There is a tense battle of nerves between the captain and the pirates as both their situations become more and more desperate. The actors used to portray the Captain Phillips, the American crew and the Somali pirates are well chosen and they all manage to convey the emotions that they are feeling.



Overall I found Captain Phillips a highly enjoyable movie. At no point in the two-plus hours of it’s running time did I feel bored as I was caught up in the tension of the crew. From the inevitable collision of the two crews to the climax the film kept a good pace mixing anticipation and suspence-heavy pauses with keeping the plot moving forward.

4 Somalian pirates out of 5.

Thor: The Dark World

Marvel has done an excellent job of concisely summing up the vast mythology of a comic-book character who hails from Norse mythology and is armed with magical weaponry as difficult to pronounce as it is to spell. I left feeling that Marvel really should have done more of that with The Dark World.

The Dark World begins with a prologue of how Thor’s grandfather lead the Asgardian armies to defeat Armageddon-happy dark- (or possibly just emo-) elf Malekith and save the universe from certain darkness. Gramps wasn't thinking very hard that day and decided to hide the villains evil weapon where no one could find it. That is until love sick Jane Foster and, with the help of her merry science friends, happens upon a portal that leads Jane to said ancient evil called ‘The Aether’. This then awakens the villainous Malekith from his deep sleep to once again bring darkness to the universe. But you have to give full credit to the Asgardians as they at least left it in a cave as opposed to plain sight. Just imagine a world where a major character in this movie didn’t happen to stumble across this magical plot device.


The problem is that you never truly understand Malekith’s motives as they are just so plain. All he wants is to turn out the light in the universe. The movie suffers from this lack of conflict. Thor and his Scooby- gang never felt like they were in any immediate danger. Sure they lose a few battles and Asgard get its first beat down in god knows how long, but none of this felt like it had many lasting consequences. The movie did, however, succeed in making you forget to worry about this as the interpersonal relationship between Thor and his family was enjoyable to watch. Honestly the movie’s best moments are the brotherly interactions between Thor and Loki. Watching them squabble with each other brought some much needed life to the movie. I could watch a whole movie dedicated to this kind of Lethal Weapon-type buddy-cop drama set in space with magic and Vikings and Bazooka’s!.

Once again the romance between Thor and Jane never takes off. It’s rather awkward and dull, and the movie actually could have done with a love triangle between Thor,Jane and Lady Sif to spice things up. They hint at this possibility only to completely drop it in favor of keeping the chemistry-less pairing of Thor and Jane to grate on my nerves.

The action scene are competent and more visionary this time round. With new director Alan Taylor bringing a more naturalistic approach, the fight scenes have a grittiness that serve the story well. This was often achieved by positioning the camera right in the heart of battle. Thor’s charming yet slightly goofy sense of humor was used well and Jane Foster’s scientific intern Darcy, played by Kat Dennings, landed some great one liners.

 Thor is an entertaining movie. Director Alan Taylor puts together some good action sequences, which are slightly hampered by a weak story and chemistry-less coupling of Thor and Jane. The personal clashing of Thor and Loki pulls the movie forward all while delivering an amusing space adventure (with Vikings). Also the cameo from a certain "Avenger" was absolute gold.

Something 3.5 out of 5 Meow-meow Waffles

This Is The End Review

If you've seen Superbad or Pineapple Express then you know the type of humour that is present in This Is The End. This movie is best summarized as Seth Rogen and his SuperFriends at the peak of their comedic skills, which makes it a brilliant apocalyptic meta comedy.

 The plot set-up is that while the world outside foes up in flames, Seth Rogen and his super-friends all take refuge in James Franco's fortress of a mansion. Cabin fever sets in when their supply stocks begin to dwindle. This results in a steady stream of hilarious situations and good one liners. The banter in this film between the actors is sharp and humorous. You’ll find yourself drawn into the conversations and interactions between the actors more than plot itself. The way the characters are reduced to infant children is gold. The interactions between the actors were hilarious and watching some of the biggest players in the comedy world take bites out of each other was amazing to watch. It feels genuinely intimate and  knowing the characters that these people tend to play makes the experience that much more enjoyable to behold.

  

As always, James Franco lends a cool, hip quality to the gross-out humor, Craig Robinson is effortless in his timing and delivery and Jay Baruchel plays the straight man to near-perfection. But it is Danny McBride who steals the show with some of the best lines in the movie. Then there are the cameos by Michael Cera who plays a crack addict and Hermione laying the smack down. I also will not be able to look at Channing Tatum the same way in any other movie I see him in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

However, at the halfway mark of the movie, things do slow down a bit and I found myself getting a little bored. It would have been good if they had more of these cameos throughout the movie to spice things up. Eventually, the SuperFriends leave the safety of Franco’s fortress-mansion. When this happens, the pace of the movie feels like it picks up and it rushes to the end rather quickly.

 

Overall, I enjoyed the hilarious performances and interactions between the characters in this movie. Its use of the biblical apocalypse was great background for a comedy. In the end the movie is all about bro ship with allot of pop culture references, which I totally loved.

3 golden maple surplus drenched waffles out of 5.

Video Game Review: Pokemon X and Pokemon Y (Nintendo 3DS)

 
After 15 years of capturing crazy critters, Pokemon X and Y finally shows some minor evolutions in gameplay, visuals and story. Nintendo and Game Freak seem to have acquired a new weapon, possibly a stick lying around their offices, to beat an old horse with. Nintendo might have also possibly painted this horse up as a Rapidash. So on that note, we move onto what we thought about the latest iteration of this classic gaming franchise.

Gameplay:





The core gameplay of Pokemon remains the same in that you still capture (or trade) monsters called Pokemon to then battle other trainers and wild Pokemon. The difference between this game and the previous games is that their felt like there was a big focus on keeping the pace and progress up. The game definitely does not feel as challenging as it predecessors, but things like being able to use TM’s (to teach Pokemon new moves) as much as you want and poison not affecting you outside of battle did feel like welcome changes, however.

The menu system suffers from unnecessary navigation. Even the simplest tasks feel cumbersome as you have to choose from one or two sub-menus. It’s like Windows Vista, asking you unnecessary steps and commands of “are you sure” in order to do anything.

Pokemon X and Y also feels like it misses allot of opportunities. Sky Battles are just like normal battles but with flying types only, and why can’t you ever chose to have double Pokémon battles in the single player campaign. The online features are excellent. Trading and battling online has a fair few options for those who feel inclined to go online and give it a go.

Visuals


The 3D effects felt very underused. Navigating around the world maps was mostly done in 2D, while the battle animations and cut-scenes were done in 3D. It was nice to see the battles play out in 3D, especially seeing as the Pokemon are animated as opposed to the sprites they used to be. The battles are more consistent with Pokemon Colosseum for the Nintendo 64 and we finally get to see the ass-end of all our favourite Pokemon in glorious 3D. Battles still look like two lifeless hessian sacks with eyes drawn on standing around and throwing party streamers at each other until one of them falls over.

The towns felt like they lacked variety. All the towns felt, for the most part, interchangeable. All the towns had the same-looking Pokemon Centre, Cafe and Boutique shop. The exception is the large, Paris-esque type city in the middle. Here, as in several other areas, the viewpoint switches to a third-person view. These sections were very confusing to navigate and I try to avoid the main city whenever I can.

The new Pokemon are, like previous generations, a mixed bag. Some of them look cool, some of them look lame, and some of them look like they asked a toddler to draw a squiggle and then chose a random word to make a new Pokemon. After they turned a keychain into a Pokemon, I felt that they should’ve upgraded from the Toddler to Mr Squiggle.

Story:

Our hero is still a mute who issues commands via his psychic-love attachment to his indentured Pokemon slaves. With this set of unique skills he goes about saving the world from an evil environmental pyramid scheme run by some otherwise nice Canadians. Your absentee mother and father are not too concerned with you playing with these Canadians and you even manage to drag your generic friends (the fat one, the nerdy one, the love interest and the rival) along for the ride.

There is a distinct lack of variety in what you can do with your Pokemon. There aren’t any more beauty contests, not really any side missions and the map and areas to explore feel much smaller and more streamlined than previous Pokemon games. The story is only there to make sure you see the world in all of its non-3D detail.

We found that the story is allot better when you are discussing of the subtext that happens in the story, while drinking expensive rum with your friends. We understand that Pokemon has a specific demographic appeal. Maybe next time instead they can make a kids and adult Pokemon adventure, complete with a date of birth verification.

Overall:

Pokemon is a game that has finally decided to experiment with using crayons to write. It feels like it is too grown up for pencils, but Nintendo has not trusted it with using pens yet. If you liked the previous Pokemon games, this is allot more of the same. It is disappointing that things like character customisation, mega-evolutions, horde and sky battles felt like they weren’t fully thought out. Although there are new Pokemon (including the starters looking half-decent for the first time in a while) and the battle system is still solid fun, it would have been good if the world and story felt a bit fresher and larger.

3.5 mega-evolved waffles out of 5.

TOP 10 TIPS FOR POTENTIAL POKEMON X & Y TRAINERS

1. Always beat little kids and steal their lunch money (especially kindergardeners).

2. Make sure your team is balanced like a Special K breakfast.

3. The story is more enjoyable drunk. Or if you set it to a language you do not speak.

4. Moon Blast is cheap. Using a gun during a Pokemon battle is also cheap.

5. You can’t die. Only feint. But Nurse Joy has ways of making you better.

6. Some Pokemon seem to delight in looking hyper-sexualised. I’m winking at you, Jynx.

7. Choose a television show or game to name your Pokemon after. Or just call all of them Doug.

8. I wonder what would happen if you fell off the hopping rocks. They seem awfully dangerous.

9. Level 2 PIdgey’s have no fear. They will attack you even if you have the legendary Pokemon who created the world.

10. It is important that your relationship with your parents is very disfuntional. Otherwise they might send you to school or care about your future.

The Witching Hour

“The Witching Hour” is a comic anthology that celebrates the supernatural with nine tales which are written and illustrated by some of the biggest names in comics.

The cover, done by the phenomenally talented Jenny Frisson, draws your attention with the promises of nine tales of mystical horror. Instead we’re given nine tales of monsters both magical and mundane. I loved how each writer encapsulated something different. The range of stories they build go from using monsters to showing that the most horrifying thing is sometimes the imagination which lies within ourselves.

Often with anthologies there are noticeable peaks and valleys in the quality of writing or art. Although I found Vertigo's The Witching Hour consistent most of the way through, I did find the most exciting stories happened towards the beginning of the book. It is a shame they didn't reorganize the stories better so that it maintained its pacing which would’ve helped keep my interest to the end. There’s nothing wrong with the last few tales, but it just felt like they needed more time to develop. On that note, I am going to discuss a few of my personal faviorite stories from “The Witching Hour”.

"Rise" by Mariah Huehner and Tula Lotay is a straightforward tale of vengeance and possession. It follows the story of an unlucky backpacker who is possessed by an evil spirit. The story succeeds beautifully on the strength of the narrator's unique take of the situation they’re in. It’s Lotay's delicate lines and layers of ethereal colors in the art that imbue a kind of melancholy to the wry story which I found very moving until the unfortunate conclusion.





"Birdie" by Lauren Beukes and Gerhard Human takes us on a journey with a young witch in Capetown. The witch has the ability to see events from the past via objects which she receives from birds. I enjoyed the darker theme that was presented of real monsters hiding beneath familiar faces.

"This Witch's Work" by Annie Mok and Emily Carroll was so visually emotional. I required a few read throughs to fully appreciate the story. It deals with the heavy subject of emotional abuse.

"Legs" by Kelly Sue DeConnick and Ming Doyle was my favorite of the anthology's stories. It has just has the right amount of elements to make a memorable horror story in a few short pages. It wonderful exploits a common phobia to great effect and even has a surprise twist that's delightful disgusting.

"Little Witch" by Ales Kot and Morgan Jeske, casts a dreamy spell-like atmosphere for a moody, sentimental story about memory and family. This is one of the few tales that focus on a more direct message of love, loss and depression. These are the themes that our titular narrator struggles with. Jeske's panel composition and contrasting warm and cool colours builds emotional tension from the beginning till the end.

Those are a few on my favorite tales from the “The Witching Hour” anthology. I highly recommend picking this wonderful anthology up to experience some truly unique stories this Halloween season.

4 personalities out of 5 personalities from a multiple-personality afflicted pumpkin.